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Archive for November, 2010

So I noticed that whenever I drink, I have a tendency to say things that I don’t usually mean or care about. Alcohol has a way of increasing your emotions by ten fold lol. So please, if you have been imbibing, please shut your mouth because you may regret what you say. Which I did, though it was very minute and unimportant.

Story:

I went out with a few friends because they were in town for Thanksgiving. My boyfriend decided to hang out with a guy friend of his and just play video games for the night. Anyway, the night wasn’t great, waited too long for something that wasn’t that good; but it was neat hanging out with my girls for a little bit. So my boyfriend picked me up (NO DRINKING AND DRIVING!!!) and we went home. On the way home I told him how long we waited and that I ended up texting one of his girl friends that was suppose to meet us not to even come anymore because the wait was ridiculous. After I told him I text her, he told me that they invited him to go out. I don’t know why I got upset, I’m blaming the alcohol here, but I did. My heart jumped and I’m thinking why did she invite you? So I asked him if the other girl that’s been all over him lately asked him to go out and he said no.

But that’s where the alcohol came in. The whole jumping to jealousy right away! Over him being invited to hang out with friends. So lame. I apologized of course. So lesson learned: shut your mouth when you’re happy drinks happy! Because you may revert back to that ugly ol monster when you don’t intend to.

-Calming Down On the Happy Drinks Jane

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Hello Readers!

Yesterday I became fed up with my efforts to try to be nice and be friends with these girls. Maybe I was trying too hard but what really got me was their lack of response to me, when they are always online or texting other people, obviously showing that they ignored my text. But anyways, I kind of just let it go. At first, I was very upset and very angry and wanted to rant and yell and not give a ****. But of course, after the initial anger session, I thought that if they want to hang out, I’ll hang out, but not I’m not going to wait by my phone for their call/text. The reason why I tried so hard was because these girls are my boyfriends best friends, and obviously if they are important to him, they are important to me. So the logical solution was to be their friend. I mean I may be their friend, but not the kind of friend I thought I hope I’d be.

But once I let the pressure I put on myself to be their friends go, the pressure and negative outlook I had on my relationship eased also. I thought that if I befriended them, the likelihood that they would try something on my boyfriend would decrease. So this thinking also meant, that if I wasn’t their BFF and ever and ever, they would flirt and all that stuff with my boyfriend (hence the negative thinking). But I came to the conclusion that no matter what, I know my boyfriend is with me. And he’s reassured me billions of billions of times that he wont let anything happen/stop anything from happening. And that’s really all I can ask for (and him loving me! of course!!!)

So I’m a better person today. I hope it stays because being jealous takes up too much energy and time (things I am very low on currently =P). So if they want to hang out with my boyfriend, he’s more than welcome to (which by the way, I used to be worried about before because I was afraid they would be all over him, but now not so much worry. I have to trust that my boyfriend knows when he’s entering dangerous waters ;p) because I know they miss him. If he would like me to come, I’ll join him; but its not a big deal to me anymore if he goes and hangs out with them without me. Well we’ll see how I deal when I actually have to cope with him going out with them haha. But let’s stay positive and say that I will be calm and comfortable and confident!

-Awesome Jane (yeah it happens)

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So an update on how I am doing with the whole process. Every time I see her picture or see her name or think about her, my heart squeezes so tight! And then I breath…and breath…and remember why I love my boyfriend, how great a man he is, and how patient and understanding he has been with me. And I start to feel a little bit better. But the whole heart squeezing thing: a very unpleasant freaking feeling!

It happens too when I see pictures of her and the girls hanging out. I want to be there too you know! But time…time time…and I have other amazing friends I can hang out with too =) So let that come naturally and until all is comfortable, I will continue to hang out with my amazing group of friends that I do have.

Someone that has experienced what I’ve gone through mentioned that maybe I need to gain confidence in myself too. Yeah it’s true: the reason why I get jealous is because I believe these girls are more fun and fresh than I am. I think I mentioned it the second blog I wrote.. I’m pretty sure… I think? Anyways, there’s something else I need to work on I guess. Knowing that I am a great girl? That I am deserving of him? That I am fun and great to be around? I think what kind of gets me down about that is these new girls don’t want to hang out with me, they don’t text me to hang out, nor include me any of their get togethers. LAME!!! Because I know I can be fun.

But their lack of invitation has a way of making me question myself. And why they aren’t inviting me… TIME! Like my boyfriend said, maybe I’m forcing it right now. And like a wise friend told me, “If it’s meant to happen it will.” But it still sucks until then =P

And you know what, I know I’m freaking fun to hang out with!!!! I’m silly, and goofy, and I get along with people I know AND people I just met! Just some people aren’t as open to new friends and are more difficult to befriend. So you know what? I’ll continue being friendly and nice and if they want to be friends then great! If not, then yeah it sucks because it’ll be a little awkward when they hang out with my boyfriend or with my boyfriend and me but you know what, I am fun!

Lol..ugh… now I’m back to questioning myself. One foot in front of the other! Lets keep on moving forward. I want to be the best person that I can be, for myself and for the love of my life.

 

-Jane

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hello Readers!

All right, so I mentioned to my boyfriend last night how I was having a difficult time befriending his friend. And he in turn replied with “I don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal out of this.” And of course I told him I hated it when he said that because it made me feel like an idiot because he said I was overreacting, when essentially, I find it important to get along with his friends because it makes it easier for me when they hang out. So here I thought he was being an inconsiderate jerk and I just wanted to punch him and cry.

But then he turned to me and said, “I was where you are when we started to go out. I was jealous whenever you’d go out and hang out with people, but then I started to think about what you mean to me, why I trust you, and how I want to be with you and then I slowly got better about you going out and hanging out with guys. I know you and I know you love me, so I trust you.”

So of course I melted. But then I turned to him and said, “I don’t know if I’ll get any better. It’s like no matter how hard I try and get better, its still so hard and it’s not getting easier fast enough.”

And he in turn replied, “You shouldn’t focus on other people, on my friends, on anyone. You should focus on You and Me. Think about why you love me, why you can trust me and once you have confidence in us, everything else will fall into place.”

Genius!

So my new strategy: Strengthening my confidence in my relationship.

And we broached the subject about girls being teeny bopper around him and how I was afraid he was too nice of a guy to push off his friends when they crossed the line. And he reassured me that he would stop anything if it went beyond the platonic. He gave me an example of a past friend that started to like him and he ended up distancing himself…All true. She did turn creeper. Ok, so trust in him too =)

And I want to share something with you that he mentioned: “Whenever we fought and you’d go off and try to ‘figure it out on your own’ I always thought, ‘What if she came back and told me she didn’t want to be with me any longer?’ And so I’d think about what would happen, who would I be with? And each and every time, I always came to the same conclusion. I didn’t want to be with anyone else. There is no one else I want to grow old with, have kids with, do things with. Every single time, it was always you.”

So I guess, focus on trusting him and gaining confidence with our relationship. Anytime a bad thought comes into my head, think about how good we have it and how much he loves me. He told me it wasn’t easy for him, and it took him awhile too. He said he understands that I wont be where I want to be today, tomorrow, or even months from now. But that he will be there to help me and talk.

Wish me luck readers!

-Jane

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Ok, so I’m having a hard time befriending the friend (the girl from the previous post). I’m trying to make it easier. So I tried messaging her on a social networking site asking if she was able to hang out this Friday, she never responded (I had previously messaged her on there too asking about something else and she never replied either–though she has responded once before). Anyhow, I guess it’s a waiting game on this relationship. It would just make it so much easier…

I’m feeling pretty bummed out though. You see, she hangs out with a group of girls I am friends with and I would like to join them. It’s been so long since I’ve experienced such a hard time and such an awkward feeling of wanting to hang out with people and wanting to get invited, but not getting invited. UGH! It feels like high school all over again. I don’t know how to broach the subject because I never know when they will be hanging out so its not like I can say hey, mind if I tag along?

::proceeds to bang head against keyboard::

But I can’t quit and I must keep trying. Remember people, DON’T STALK! Don’t you dare become annoying. Be genuine. Be you. =) And if you they can’t accept you then who cares about them. They wouldn’t be true friends anyway if you needed to change for them to like you. And you know what? There are just some people you won’t mesh with. It’s no big deal. I COULD still hang out with the group and not necessarily be buddy buddy with her. Kind of awkward but oh well. We will figure it out.

Anyway, the relationship between the significant other and I is going well. I’m trying to remain positive. =) Let’s hope for the best. And maybe I can work out a way to hang out with them. Any advice?

-Awkwardly Left Out and Exterminating Jealousy Jane

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Sometimes the problem isn’t necessarily that your significant other is doing something but that your line of thinking is too negative or too suspicious. When we are prone to getting jealous, or obsessive compulsive jealous or green eyed monster RAWR RAWR RAWR jealous, we see things that may be fairly normal and blow them out of proportion. For example, was that hug just a bit too long? or is she smiling at him or is she smiling-hey-give-me-some-of-that-sugar smiling at him?

We have to stop trying to find reasons to be jealous, or finding things to nitpick on. Sometimes  a hug is just that, a hug between friends. Sometimes a smile, is just pure joy. Think somethings going on? Talk. Don’t yell. Don’t nag. Don’t whine. Just talk. See if this is something to be legitimately upset/jealous over. Was there something beyond just friends between those two? Ask. If he’s a good guy, he’ll tell you the truth. If he lies and is a skeeze, then he doesn’t deserve you and you shouldn’t worry about him anyways.

So reinvent how you think. Not everyone is an enemy. And not everyone wants to steal that hubby of yours away. There are legitimate people out there that just want to be friends. You have to admit, not everyone of the guys you meet wants to get with you. And some of them end up becoming really great friends. You have to take that same kind of thinking with girls that your hubby befriends. Not all of them are there to steal him away, and they in turn, also see the great person that your boyfriend is and want to be friends with him. Nothing wrong with that. Like the “Befriend the Friend” post, get to know them =) and give them a chance.

Good luck. Positive thinking. Let’s keep moving forward!

-Jane

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Hello Dear Reader,

So here is my first fall, and boy did I fall hard today. I saw green (instead of red for anger silly billy)!!! Basically, everything I’ve bottled up and tried to fix on my own kind of bubbled up and exploded. I was to the point where I was basically deciding whether to turn a blind eye and try to hold everything in or give up on this relationship because I knew it was unhealthy if I stayed in a relationship where I was always this green with envy.

Basically, there’s this girl that is fairly good friends with my boyfriend. She’s a natural flirt and that’s the way she is. I actually wasn’t sure if she was flirting with him or not and whether he was flirting back or being just friendly (and of course maybe oblivious when a girl may be flirting with him **cmon we know boys can sometimes be an idiot to flirtatious advances**). So I’m thinking, is he attracted to her? Is he flirting with her?

I was just uncomfortable with the whole thing, and thanks to my boyfriend’s great knowledge of me and my lack of ability to hide things from him, he basically cornered me and made me talk to him about what was bothering me. Yeah, frustrating but awesome at the same time.

Lesson learned: You have to talk.

My Issue: I wanted to fix it on my own because I didn’t want to push him away with my jealousies. I wanted to solve it so when he saw me next I’d be bright eyed and loving and happy and fun to be with.

But he cornered me anyway.  And we talked. And talked. and then had to work. And then was awkward when we were together again. But then we talked some more and actually got somewhere.

The Solution: He loves me (oh how simple the words) and that he is in no way would do anything to hurt me and would never cheat on me (his mama brought him up right!). And that if anything other than what’s platonic happens, he would stop what was happening and would let me know. He was also very open to my opinions about what I think is appropriate and not appropriate and we would make compromises.

But he said this: These compromises can’t happen if we don’t talk.

Basically, if we never talked, the problem would never find a solution that would make both of us comfortable. He would continue to be oblivious as to exactly why I was upset and I would continue being miserable.

Guys have a group of girl friends that they view as non-threatening (that is, they are respectable and that they respect him), and you in turn, have to trust your man’s judgement. It’s hard. But it’s something you just have to do, especially if this man is serious about you and you are serious about him.

I love my boyfriend very much. And this blog is part of the proof of that love. I want to make myself into a better person, I want to not have to worry anymore, I want to know that he will never do anything to hurt me. And that comes with trusting him and trusting myself with him and that yes, I need to believe that I am good enough and worthy of his love.

So I’m stepping back onto the path right now readers. Wish me luck and keep rooting for me.

I hope you’re taking your steps too!

-Jane

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